Need a new reason to meet local moms? It turns out that a lot of us mamas are baby- and then kid-obsessed to the point where our child-free chums are just a little done with it all. We might find our kids’ every movements (bowel or otherwise) fascinating but it turns out not everyone on our friends lists feels the same. Here are 10 reasons your non-mom friends are suddenly busy all the time.
1. Moms can be gross. What’s grosser than baby poop? Poop talk over tacos. As icky as our babies and kids can be, we’re wired to deal with it with a smile and a laugh. Friends without kids, however? Have every right to be grossed out when we spend more time than is reasonable talking about spit up, snot, and all the other stuff that comes out of our babies way too often.
2. Moms have no filter. Get a group of mom friends together and no topic is off limits. Mucus plugs? Check. Sex after stitches? Check. Peeing your pants whenever you giggle? Double check. Chances are, though, that while non-mom friends are also masters of TMI, their TMI is of the saucier variety. Choose your revelations accordingly.
3. Moms’ attention is divided. A quick phone call is about as likely as a warm winter in Boston thanks to the always-pressing needs of our little ones. Mothers should of course attend to their children’s basic needs but moms should also be cognizant of the fact that it’s no fun to chat with someone who is only halfway listening.
4. Moms snub non moms. Yes, we have done the hard work of nurturing life and what is more important than that, right? But hold on a sec. Non moms are out there doing amazing things, too. Don’t say things like “You’d understand if you had a baby” unless you want them to turn around and say “You’d understand if you ran an art gallery.”
5. Moms complain. A lot. Guilty as charged, but honestly, make the effort to meet local moms because they’re the ones who are going to be all ears when you’re having colicky baby problems. Your non-mom friends already know that your baby is cramping your style.
6. Moms need a lot of help. When it comes to help I always say ask and ye shall receive, but if you’re asking a lot from your non mom friends you may be straining your friendships. It’s one thing to ask mom friends to hold your baby for an hour while you get some chores done and a whole other thing to ask your college buddies.
7. Moms turn social media into baby media. Not all moms, obviously. But some of us are definitely guilty of turning Facebook into a 24/7 baby feed. And there’s nothing wrong with that! But consider asking non mom friends if they want into your babyfilter. Best part is that makes your baby feed seem exclusive!
8. Moms push mommyhood. It is so not okay to try to convince your non-mom friends that what they really want out of life is to have babies because it is just the best thing ever. For all you know, they’ve been trying unsuccessfully for years to have kids or they really, really, really don’t want them. Either way, what goes on in their wombs is none of your beeswax.
9. Moms lose perspective. The best part about going out with childless/childfree girlfriends is that you get to talk about something other than diapers and doo doo! So don’t ruin that fun by, well, talking nonstop about diapers and doo doo. Talk about the Walking Dead, wine, sex, dancing, fashion – all the stuff you can’t talk about with your 18-month-old.
10. Moms bring their kids. Like, without asking if kids are welcome. Most of the time, when you ask whether you can bring your baby along the answer will be yes. It becomes an issue when moms make assumptions that kids are welcome. I’m a mom and I firmly believe that kid-free spaces are okay – even a must for moms who need a break!
Of course, no mom commits these friendship no-nos all the time! But most of us can end up succumbing to bad habits in our relationships with non-moms because we’re just plain worn out from the demands of being a mom.
That’s why it’s so helpful to find moms groups and to build a village of moms that understand what it’s like to try to keep relationships going after having kids! But it’s also valuable to keep up with the amazing non-moms in your life, too. Hanging with them can be just the time out you need when motherhood gets tough.