Making mom friends is hard, yes. But are you making it harder? Maybe you think you’re doing everything right when it comes to meeting local moms. You’re using all the mom apps. You slap a smile on your face and you introduce yourself to every new mom you meet. But your village is just as empty as it was a month ago. What gives? Honestly, probably nothing. Building your village takes time above all else. On the other hand, it could be you’re treating these three don’ts like dos.
DON’T Put Your Best Face Forward
And by “best face” I mean “cleanest house.” If you’re like me your first inclination is going to be to dress to impress and to clear away the mess. Curb those impulses! I’m not suggesting that basic hygiene isn’t important, but don’t feel like you need to change out of those sweats if you don’t want to. Be yourself, even if that means the image you’re presenting is a little bit, er, disheveled. A good mom friend isn’t going to care about the clutter or whether your shirt has a spitup streak anyway. A god mom friend doesn’t care if your floors are mopped or if you occasionally burst into a messy ugly cry. What you’re looking for is local moms who will care about YOU.
DON’T Feel Like You Need to Be Friends With Your Kids’ Friends Moms
After a certain age, drop-off playdates are totally acceptable and, in some areas, even the norm. While your kids’ school and activities will dictate which local moms you meet in situ, you don’t need to embrace each and every one of them as a new found bestie. There will always be moms who aren’t on your wavelength and that’s okay. Not clicking doesn’t mean you’re bad or she’s bad – no one clicks with everyone they meet. And true story, not every friendship needs to be a family affair. It’s totally okay for you to have your mom friends and for your kids to have their playdate pals even if there is no overlap whatsoever in those two groups.
DON’T Keep Quiet About What Matters to You
Remember in high school when you tried to play it cool to roll with the popular crowd? This is not the time to do that. Whether you’re chatting up mamas on the playground or meeting local moms through mom apps, the goal isn’t to be coolest but rather to get support. Create your own fan club where the friends you find think you’re cool just because you’re you. Find your crowd! Those are the friends who will be there when you need someone to talk to about the really heavy stuff. And the friends who will bring you a hot dinner the next day.
Never forget that it takes a village… but it takes a while to build that village, especially for new moms! Keep it up, break these rules, and soon you’ll have all the support you need. Promise.