You know why the Mommy Wars are just plain dumb? Because no matter what choices you make as a mom, there are hundreds of totally vocal jerks out there ready to put you down for it. And some of those jerks are even your fellow moms!
Forget working or staying at home… if you want to see a real Mommy War, hit up some forum discussions about breastfeeding, extended rear facing car seat usage, co-sleeping, babywearing, and potty training. Mom support is the best, but fact is we’re not giving it to each other half the time. Observe:
- Pick up your baby as soon as she cries? You’re spoiling her!
- Let your kid cry it out? You’re a horrible, cruel, and cold mother!
- Formula in a bottle? Gross! Unnatural! Poison!
- Can’t breastfeed? Nonsense, everyone can! You didn’t try hard enough, slacker!
- Breast milk in a bottle? Nipple confusion! You’ll ruin your baby’s teeth!
- Breastfeed in public? Grossssss!
- Breastfeed for more than a year? Even grosser!
- Breastfeed until your toddler weens herself? You are obviously some kind of dirty hippie! Or a pervert!
- Baby bundled up? TOO HOT!
- Baby undressed? TOO COLD!
- Extended rear facing? Your baby can’t see anything and will be so bored!
- Turn the car seat front facing as soon as recommended because baby is miserable? You don’t care about safety!
- Letting baby sleep through the night from day 1? She won’t get enough to eat!
- Waking baby up to eat during the night? Never wake a sleeping baby!
- Co-sleeping? Are you nuts? You will roll on baby! Or you’re a pervert!
- Putting baby in a crib in a nursery? Meanie! Poor baby will get lonely!
- Pumping? OMG moooooooo!
- Not pumping? What if your milk dries up!?!?!?!11?
- Question your decision to have a baby? You were obviously never meant to breed!
- Never question your decision to have a baby? You’re a tool of a the patriarchy! Dirty breeder!
- Enjoy your time away from baby? You cold-hearted witch!
- Cry when you’re away from baby? Well, aren’t you the needy one!
- Put sunblock on baby? You’re going to give your baby cancer!
- Don’t put sunblock on baby? You’re also going to give your baby cancer!
- Wear your baby? Oh, look how crunchy frou-frou YOU are!
- Leave your perfectly happy baby in its carrier? Neglect! Neglect!
- Working mom? Why are you letting someone else raise your children?!
- SAHM mom? You lazy moocher!
- Love back to school? You hate spending time with your kids!
- Sad about back to school? Get a life!
And so on and so forth until we’re all exhausted and questioning our every little decision about everything.
You know? I’m actually pretty sure that’s how marketers get us, just like back in the day when Listerine invented halitosis to sell more Listerine! So next time you feel like you’re about to get into it with another mom over your choices or her choices or some hypothetical mom’s choices, stop. Breathe. And suggest back patting over bickering because we moms are all doing the best we can.
Can you think of more ‘darned if you do, darned if you don’t’ scenarios that we all end up having to deal with when we become moms?