Is it one of those days? I’m going to tell you a secret – for me, every day seems to be ‘one of those days’. I think motherhood is just like that sometimes. And by sometimes, I mean all the time. If this is just a phase it is a phase that has lasted for years now. The problem isn’t my kids. As kids go, they are amazing. And it’s not the household chores. I have an unbelievably supportive husband.
Nope! The problem is that I’m never dealing with just one thing. No matter what’s in front of me, there are always at least three more things in line waiting for my attention. I work from home, which is where the messes are. Sometimes my kids are there, too, and I’m trying to very quietly give my son more cereal on conference calls. I have three different email accounts for work. To say I am overwhelmed is an understatement.
And of course everyone says “Find a mom friend, get some support!” as if it is so easy to make mom friends. Listen, I have mom friends. For me, finding local moms isn’t the issue. It’s keeping mom friends and maintaining those early friendships so they can grow into something more. The mom I just met at PTA – yes, on top of everything I get involved in my kids’ schools – isn’t going to come over and watch my kids so I can meet an important deadline. That’s a real catch 22, actually. I’m too swamped to nurture solid friendships and one of the few things that can help me out of my rut is… solid friendships.
So here I am, busting my butt just to make ends meet and keep the chaos (mostly) at bay and barely hanging on by a thread of sanity. And what, I’m supposed to set aside time for socialization? How does that even work? That, ladies, is why you need a mom friend who will be there even when your life is in shambles 98% of the time and you never call or text or email so she has to keep your friendship going.
Now, this won’t be all of your mom friends. This won’t even be most of your mom friends. This will be the one mom friend who knows what you have going on and understands and so takes the reins in your friendship the vast majority of the time. She reaches out again and again because she knows that you cannot even find time in your day to brush your hair, much less even think about sending personal emails. She’s the one who texts “How you doing?” after three weeks of radio silence on your end without any judgment. Like she legitimately wants to know how you are doing. And then she invites herself over for a coffee because she knows you will forget to extend an invitation every time.
How do I know it’s important to find a mom friend like this? I know because I have found one. I won’t name her name here but she’ll probably know who she is. She probably doesn’t know how much I appreciate her because when do I have the time to tell her? But maybe, just maybe when I share this post because I have to – hello, professional obligations – she’ll see it and smile to herself because she’ll realize just what a rare breed of mom friend she is.