5 Reasons Why I Kind of Hate Mother’s Day

posted in: Challenges, Cool Moms, Holidays, Miscarriage | 3

Ugh.

It’s that time of year again, when even the coupons from the local plumber say, “don’t forget Mother’s Day!” Just… ugh!

Can I put this out there? I’m just not a huge fan of Mother’s Day.

i hate mothers day - why she hates mothers dayDon’t get me wrong, I think it’s awesome to celebrate moms but… I don’t know. It seems so strange for me to be the target of this cookie cutter holiday, and I usually find myself in a bad temper on that Sunday. Here’s why:

  • The pandering makes me feel like a freak. Look, I genuinely don’t want anyone to buy me jewelry, even on sale. I do like chocolate, but I’m particular about where it comes from. Fair trade, please. Sustainably grown, please. I don’t like to shop, most cards are just awkward, and I’d rather grow vegetables than display flowers. What I really want is a Mother’s Day special at a local tattoo shop, or maybe for my dentist to stay open during the weekend hours so that I don’t have to pay a sitter to get a cavity filled. And since those things don’t happen, it’s easy to wonder whether I’m the only person on earth who doesn’t long for a bouquet and candy.
  •  It reminds me of what I’ve lost. A million years ago, my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was actually pregnant for Mother’s Day but miscarried shortly afterwards. And my own mom died when I was 20. And my amazing and wonderful grandmothers have all passed away. And the aunts with whom I was close as a kid became distant after my mom’s death. It’s just not that fun to think about the mothers I’ve known.
  • I can’t figure out how to spend the day. This is the same thing I don’t like about Valentine’s Day, actually. Too much pressure! I don’t want to try to have a fun day. I want to do something special and celebratory, but I don’t want anyone to feel like a failure if it goes awry. I don’t want to feel disappointed if things don’t work out.
  • My mister is really bad with dates. Bless his heart, and I love him to bits, but man, he just does not remember birthdays or holidays or anything of that sort and ironically, although I find Mother’s Day off-putting from a theoretical standpoint, I do actually want to celebrate it on that day.
  • I like restaurant brunch. But loud, busy, crowded places trigger my anxiety like nothing else. I would love to have fresh squeezed orange juice and a fancy egg dish on Mother’s Day, but you’d need a pack of wolves to drag me to a restaurant that weekend.

Tell me, am I the only mom who feels this way? Is anyone else less-than-jubilant about this upcoming Sunday? Maybe just for this year I should head off the stress at the pass and invite my local mom friends to my house for mellow celebrations. The holiday would probably be A LOT more fun that way.

 

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3 Responses

  1. Wow, I thought I was the only one that did not like Mother’s Day. I’m not a fan of Mother’s day for several reasons. Many of my friends have lost babies and I see how much it hurts them. Also, there are mom-child relationships that are complicated and painful. Mother’s day kind of pours salt into the wounds. I think of foster kids or people who have lost their mothers.

    I don’t like it because unless you are fortunate enough to be mainstream “normal” it inflicts unneeded hurt and is a reminder of painful losses. I am a mom. I know I’m loved. I don’t need a holiday to prove it.

  2. Julia, I value your view of this holiday. I tend to have some negative feelings on Mother’s Day as well. My mom’s dad left home when she was young, and he never sent her a birthday/Christmas/holiday card. She has always been incredibly sensitive during holidays and birthdays. I’ve never been good with dates, or planning ahead to send a card. There have been times when I’ve forgotten. So I have some feelings of guilt and shame associated with this holiday, and I often feel like my gifts are out of obligation. On a similar note, since I had so many negative experiences on my birthday growing up (my dad dumping me at a friend’s house so he could go to Hawaii with his new girlfriend over my 16th birthday, as a small example) I have a meltdown every year on my birthday. I also can’t help but be disappointed with what my husband does for me because I have impossible expectations and I subconsciously want him to make up for all that my parents did/did not do. So…lots of stuff tied up in holidays. I think the most important thing is to be aware of your feelings around holidays, and to not buy in to that “I should be happy” mentality our culture seems to have. Thanks for sharing your truth.

  3. Uh-huh, you said it, Mama! I concur on many points. My biggie is that I’d actually LOVE to be celebrated for an entire day… but not if I have to brainstorm, plan and execute said celebration! So, when I’m asked what I want to do or what we SHOULD do as a family by my well-meaning husband, I promptly say “ah, nothing – it’s no big deal,” which should be interpreted as “could YOU please figure something out and make it happen; otherwise, this ain’t no holiday from the full-time family coordinating I do every day!” Oh well. Perhaps when the kids get old enough to be aware of the day THEY will steer things in the right direction!

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