Was it planned?
First, none of your beeswax. Second, seriously none of your beeswax. If you don’t know the mom well enough to know if she was trying for a baby or not then you don’t know her well enough to ask that kind of question. And if you’re asking a mom friend you probably already know the answer.
Ooooh, you’re getting BIG.
Most women spend their lives trying to avoid gaining weight. During pregnancy it’s pretty much inevitable that it’s going to happen and there’s nothing you can do about it. The big in the above comment probably refers to the pregnant person’s belly but you never know how she is going to interpret such a pressure-laden word.
You must be having a BIG baby!
See above. Variations include: Is your husband tall? and Are you sure you’re not farther along?
Don’t worry, you’ll lose the baby weight if you breastfeed.
Since when it pointing out someone’s weight okay? Oh right, since never. Ditto for asking a pregnant mama how much weight she has gained or how she plans to lose it. Even when you’re talking to one of your best mom friends.
You’re really eating for two, huh?
Comments about what and how other people are eating are never mannerly. Just because the person in front of you is pregnant doesn’t suddenly make it socially acceptable to point out what you think about what’s on her plate.
During labor I ripped from here… to here!
We’re all tempted to tell pregnant friends our labor and delivery horror stories and we should share… when the time is right. Like after that pregnant friend has her own labor and delivery story to add to the convo at mommy wine night.
Sleep/take a vacation/go to dinner/remodel/etc. while you still can.
Um, sleep is not something you can put away and earn interest on like money – and speaking of money, if a mom friend can go on a vacation (please don’t say babymoon ever again – that word is uuuugly) she probably has it under control with no prodding necessary.
Are you going to give birth naturally?
Holy loaded question, batman. And probably not one you should not be asking. Some moms-to-be just don’t know until they’re in the delivery room and that’s okay. Plus, none of your beeswax.
Make sure you’re getting enough rest!
Okay there, Dr. Notadoctor. I’m pretty sure that any mom who can rest is resting. The rest of us spend the nine months of pregnancy parenting our other children, working at our jobs, and generally taking care of business. Yes, we’re tired. No, putting up our feet is not always an option.
Can I touch your belly?
Pro tip: If you have to ask, the answer is probably going to be no.
You must be hoping for a girl/boy.
A good mom friend will already have told you if she’s hoping for a girl – and not just any girl but a future prima ballerina assoluta. If she hasn’t, you probably should refrain from making assumptions about what she is or isn’t hoping will be between her baby’s legs.
Are you planning for more?
Um, wayyyyy to jump the gun. Chances are if she’s older than 25 this mama has spent the past few years being asked when she was going to finally have this baby so just leave her alone for a few months, okay?
You’re definitely having a boy/girl because your butt/boobs/everything is getting so big!
Can we just make a rule that you never, ever use the word big in reference to a pregnant woman’s… anything?
Do you know who the father is?
WTF, people. WTF.